please come over. let's do nothing.
"All you have to do is let the soft animal of your body love what it loves."
Please come over. Let’s do nothing.
June has always had a softness to it in my mind. After the excitement of May, and those first really warm days and all the Taurus birthdays to celebrate, June is about rest and peace. If May is baking in the sun while you tan, June is that light buzz on your skin you feel walking back to the house to shower. June is about the first time back at the farmer’s market in months and that first day after a cold when the congestion finally clears (very topical for me at the moment as I am getting over a spring cold).
In light of the beginning of this soft month, I’ve been thinking about ways to incorporate softness into my own life. How can I embrace the path of least resistance this month?
First off, I’d like to reinstate the “casual hang.” Call a friend with nothing planned and sit in comfortable silence with them on the couch. Flow through periods of quiet and chatter. Maybe meander somewhere for a coffee or a walk, but there’s nothing on the docket. Leave a show running in the background. Maybe we’ll each do our own hobby while we exist with one another. Perhaps I’ll write while they knit.
I just think somewhere along the way we (or maybe just I) lost sight of the “no plan” kind of plan! As much as I love grabbing dinner or drinks or going to a museum, I also just really love doing nothing. And when you’re with the right person, it's actually so special to do nothing with them! So all that to say, please come over. Let’s do nothing.
I’ve also been mulling over the idea of “soft structure.” As someone who tends to move between extremes, finding the middle seems like a great place to find some gentleness this month. Instead of creating a suffocating schedule with no room for flexibility or rest, until I inevitably burn out and say “fuck the schedule!” altogether, I’m playing with the idea of some looser reigns. Groundbreaking I know.
To me that might look like: having a few goals for the week instead of a never-ending to-do list. It means prioritizing kindness to myself and the people I love over superficial means of “self-improvement.” It means mentally checking in with myself to say, “Am I doing this as a service to myself or as a punishment for not living up to my own standards?” It also means checking in to say, “Do I need to be watching yet another TikTok about bombardillo crocadillo when I could be doing literally anything else?”
Finally, this month I’m thinking about incorporating softness into what I consume. Lately I’ve been craving stories that unfurl themselves like new pothos plant leaves, that feel slow and spacious and allow their characters to breathe. I want to listen to music that sounds like a windows down road trip, breeze rustling your hair lightly. I want to eat ripe fruits and tiramisu. I want to watch tv that feels like being wrapped in a blanket. I want to read poetry by Arthur Rimbaud and remind myself how romantic vulnerability can feel.
So all that to say, June is the time to give yourself a fucking break. As Mary Oliver so beautifully put it,
“You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.”
Today’s vibe is listening to Hall & Oates (unironically), then listening to the Glee Cast Hall & Oates mashup (semi-unironically). It’s taking a long, meandering walk, reading your daily horoscope, and the feel of clothes fresh from the dryer. Allow yourself some navel-gazing. It’s a self-indulgent kind of day.
Author’s Note: When I wrote this piece, it felt easy and exciting to embrace the softness and novelty of a new month. Transparently, in the last two days before posting, things have become unexpectedly hard and heavy. I say this because reading this back I debated posting it. At this moment I don’t know if I feel the way I did about the month when I was writing. I’ve decided to keep it because I’m still hopeful that I’ll feel the optimism again. Maybe by intentionally showing myself some kindness, this month can feel soft again, despite some unexpected setbacks. I still want to do nothing with my friends, and implement some loose guardrails and all of that. If anything I think the past two days may have been a reminder that even if the month itself isn’t soft, we can be soft to ourselves.